Sam Ross Jr.

Sam Ross Jr.

Clear your throats and start those toes tapping, ’tis time to sing songs of the season.

No, not the Christmas season – impeachment season. 

Let us pay attention to the Democrats’ political Festivus that seemingly they’d like to run year-round.

There can be no better way to highlight a legal process that has been reduced to parody than to parody the proceedings in song.

Who needs Weird Al? Yankovic, not Gore.

There was a rush to impeach President Donald Trump in the House of Representatives before Christmas, but now the Democrats are in no hurry at all to push the matter to the Senate, where Trump most likely would be acquitted.

We offer “Whatever Happened to Im-peach-ment?” to be sung to the tune of The Statler Brothers’ “Whatever Happened to Randolph Scott?”

Everybody knows an impeachment show should be a solemn deal.

It shouldn’t be a partisan hunt with a failure to get real.

You’ve got to know the rules in play before you start such farce.

Reagan’s gone, JFK’s dead and the swamp is filled with fools.

Oh, whatever happened to quid pro quo, the Dems’ impeachment cry?

How did it happen that need to rush became let sleeping dogs lie?

How could it be that Nanc’ and Schiff made such a mess of things?

Whatever happened to Donald Trump? Why, they’ve all but made him king!

Nancy Pelosi, Democratic ringmaster and Speaker of the House, is relying on the political wisdom of Uncle Remus and Brer Rabbit, that tale of winning through reverse psychology.

Unfortunately for Pelosi, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is smarter than Brer Fox.

To celebrate Pelosi, join in singing “Nancy” to the tune of The Beach Boys’ “Wendy.”

Nancy, Nancy what went wrong, oh so wrong?

You thought the Donald guy was gone.

I never thought CNN could cry

’til you failed to slay the orange-hair guy.

Oh, Nancy, Nancy you let them down (hurts so bad).

Nancy, Nancy don’t lose your head.

(Lose your head).

Nancy, they don’t believe a word you said.

You can’t see a way to win.

Dems’ future looks awful grim.

Oh Nancy, you really let your own squad down. (hurts so bad).

Pelosi’s right-hand impeachment guy has been Adam Schiff, running star chamber secret hearings in the House basement, promising facts and felonies, but delivering vague accusations and hearsay.

Let us give Schiff his due with “Most Sorry” sung to the tune of The Impalas’ “Sorry (I Ran All the Way Home).”

Sorry. Oh, so sorry.

Schiff ran all the way home, just to say he’s sorry (sorry).

What can he say? He threw it all away.

Yay, yay, yay.

And now he’s sorry, sorry, sorry.

Along with ’Nad his pants hiked high.

Maybe all can still be friends, as impeachment ends.

Archival tapes remind all that Democratic Sen. Chuck Schumer made up his mind in advance on his Bill Clinton impeachment trial vote and was purely partisan on the issue, but now he is outraged that Sen. McConnell is mirroring him.

Schumer’s theme song is “Stack the Decks,” to be sung to the tune of Christmas standard “Deck the Halls.”

Hi, my name is Chuckie Schumer,

blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah.

Give me truth, I’ll give you rumor,

blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah.

Twisting facts this is my forte,

blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah.

Making sure it all skews my way,

blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah.

Even as we wait for impeachment to play out, there are a couple of legal guys – Attorney General William Barr and U.S. Attorney John Durham – endeavoring to examine how the Russiagate charade got started. 

Front and center is the reality that a FISA court surveillance decision was made on the strength of what the Inspector General’s report identified as “at least 17 significant errors or omissions” by the FBI.

Call this “The Ballad of Durham and Barr” to be sung to the tune of “The Ballad of Bonnie and Clyde” by Georgie Fame.

Durham and Barr, they are two legal people.

And I can tell you people, they’re the Dems’ worst fear.

Turning over rocks and looking at the docs.

They’re planning on exposing all the Dems’ foul play.

The two are just a pair of bulldogs; who won’t let go of this bone.

So sleep if you can, ’cause they’re looking to take evil down.

Durham and Barr, they have the motivation,

to put hoods on vacation in the nearest fed pen.

Yes, Durham and Barr, are out among the stumps

And planning on some lumps for the haters of Trump.

 

Sam Ross Jr., of Johnstown, is a freelance journalist and former staff member of The Tribune-Democrat.

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