Published: January 27, 2008 11:52 pm            

Super story ideas

With all the talk of Tom Brady’s ankle, a possible 19-0 record, New York vs. Boston and the (current) 12-point spread of Super Bowl XLII, one may forget that there is a simple football game going on in six days and not an event that will determine the fate of the universe.

It seems that the game itself is lost in the hyperbole machine that just waits for the championship games to end and runs on its own energy (and waste) for 14 days. If you were to watch the continuous onslaght of coverage for two weeks straight, you might see the same stories recycled as breaking news twice maybe even three times.

With all due respect to those hard-working indviduals covering this game and/or the teams involved, here are 42 (or should I say “XLII”) storylines that I’d like to see addressed before the game kicks off or during the game.

(Blogger’s note: As a Patriots fan, some of my ideas could be slanted towards New England or against New York. It happens.)



XLII: Let’s get the presidential hopefuls involved in this shindig. Poll all the candidates on their opinions and prognostications and see who is man (or woman) enough to risk losing votes by virtue of their thoughts on the game.

XLI: Could the NFL find the time to individually introduce all the players, writers, radio hosts and other media folk that wanted Tom Coughlin fired this season before the game? And could they be forced to run through a inflatable helmet tunnel with a smirking Coughlin at the end? He seems vengeful enough to actually go for his idea.

XL: How does Archie Manning feel about this? He couldn’t get to the playoffs during a 14-year NFL career with three teams, yet two of his sons have made it to the Super Bowl. At least his oldest son, Cooper, can always share the feeling of never playing in the NFL postseason.

XXXIX: Is it possible that Cardinals receiver Larry Fitzgerald might try to stow himself away on either the Patriots or Giants team shuttles to the airport or the team’s planes and beg to be put on the rosters to know the freedom of playing for a team that aspires for better records than 7-9? It’s almost like Cuban defectors coming to America and playing Major League Baseball.

XXXVIII: What is the over/under for televisions in America that won’t be tuned into the game? Can someone call Vegas and find out?

XXXVII: Would there ever be a unification game between the NFL and CFL champion like they have from time to time with the alphabet soup known as professional boxing? How many people would watch that game over the Pro Bowl? How many players would want to play in that game over the Pro Bowl?

XXXVI: Who at the AP (or any other news service) is willing to write the story of all the filler and garbage that networks will be running opposite of the Super Bowl? Is this out of respect or fear? Will Fox return the favor when the Food Network gets the rights to Super Bowl IL?

XXXIV: Speaking of fillers. Does anyone have any good ideas for a diverse Super Bowl spread that will serve a party of four.

XXXIII: I’m taking bets on the first major news/sports network to mention baseball’s spring training and when it starts after the game ends. No network or paper in New England/Boston counts in this – I’m sure mostly all of them are playing up the battle for the 25th spot on the Red Sox roster more than the Super Bowl as you read this.

XXXII: Can we find the person that booked Tom Petty for the halftime show and saint him immediately or do we wait until after the threat of “wardrobe malfunction” has passed?

XXXI: The retractable field (not a roof, a field ) at University of Phoenix Stadium. How has this gone unnoticed?

XXX: Forget about the stories of how high the resale prices are for Super Bowl tickets. Find me the people stupid enough to pay these prices for those seats.

XXIX: From a media overkill standpoint, raise your hand if you’re relieved about Brett Favre’s non-involvment in this game. I’m thinking that a Hands Across America story could be done now.

XXVIII: Since the game is on Fox this year, how far away are we from having American Idol-type voting for the evening’s best commercial? Can this be set up in six days?

XXVII: With the oft-concussed former Cowboys quarterback Troy Aikman returning to Arizona, the state where he won the last of his three Super Bowls, what are the chances of Aikman experiencing a flashback during the game?

XXVI: If the Giants lose, how long before the ‘New York is a cursed city’ stories come about? If you think about it, it was the Giants’ Super Bowl XXXV loss that started the Big Apple’s championship futility. After all, in a media market like New York’s, eight years is bordering on the nadir.

XXV: If this game comes down to a last-second field goal by the Patriots, will Adam Vinatieri be able to watch? Better yet, will former Bills kicker Scott Norwood be able to watch?

XXIV: Can Conemaugh Township graduate and former Giants quarterback Jeff Hostetler get some kind (any kind) of love when someone is referencing New York’s second Super Bowl title?

XXIII: Steve Grogan and Tony Eason, where are they now?

XXII: Which Fox television promotional read is going to sound the most awkward coming from Joe Buck?

XXI: Has the writers’ strike really saved us from the Fox promo monster that usually drives baseball fans up a wall during the playoffs?

XX: Can we profile Bill Belichick’s sleeve cutter during the 46-hour pregame show?

XIX: Will Reebok or the NFL force Belichick to wear a special edition hooded sweatshirt for this game?

XVIII: For those who don’t have time to watch the game: A Tribune-Democrat co-worker and I recently played out the game on Madden NFL 08 with the Patriots in my control. New England won 31-13, benefitting from four Eli Manning picks, though the co-worker in question passed the ball very well against my defense to the tune of 296 yards and for the most part played even-up with me throughout. It was weird, but I can really see the real game playing itself out like this.

XVII: Someone at Fox needs to find Mercury Morris and keep him handy for a possible Patriots victory and have someone ask him what it’s like to finally have a team move in to the vaunted ‘neighborhood’ of the 1972 Dolphins. Bonus points if it’s mentioned by the interviewer that the ’72 Dolphins are no longer relevant.

XVI: How many clashes between New York and Boston/New England fans will result in fisticuffs this week? Has Vegas set the over/under on this yet?

XV: With the Super Bowl involving a New York team that calls New Jersey home, how much gambling (legal and illegal) will go on this week in the Garden State?

XIV: When Gatorade or other liquids get dumped on the winning coach, does he get to pick the beverage before the game?

XIII: Have mathematicians discovered a number high enough for how many times Tom Brady’s ankle will be mentioned between now and the end of the game?

XII: It is at this point that I discover how hard it is to come up with 42 items and not sound more hackneyed than I already am. Has any other writer fared better?

XI: How many commercials during the game will involve Colts quarterback Peyton Manning? I mean, he’s really not doing anything on Sunday, he could probably film a few live.

X: If the Giants lose, and it’s not Eli Manning’s fault, will the Earth fall off its axis?

IX: Who will be the first player to say something that begins the annual war of words between the Super Bowl teams? If it’s from the Giants camp, how quickly will that be turned into the most disrespectful thing ever said about the Patriots by Tom Brady?

VIII: Is anyone else waiting for the NFL Network to cash in on the good karma from allowing the trimulcast of the Week 17 meeting between the teams and snatch up the rights to this Super Bowl on Friday. Could anyone really protest this?

VII: Would Bryant Gumble be an upgrade over Joe Buck?

VI: Who has a smaller Christmas card list? Tom Coughlin or Bill Belichick?

V: Which player will snap at seemingly endless sea of stupid questions awaiting them during Tuesday’s media availability?

IV: Which player is most likely to get arrested on Saturday night? Has the NFL commissioned the Eugene Robinson Trophy for this occurence.

III: Will the NFL ever play this game outdoors in a cold-weather city? Could you imagine the potential disaster waiting to happen if the game were scheduled in Buffalo and a snowstorm dumped 14 inches on western New York the night before. I think I’d pay money to see this happen.

II: If comedian Frank Caliendo chloroformed Joe Buck mid-game and started calling the game in his John Madden voice, how many people would be fooled into thinking that Madden had pulled this off himself.

I: The sun will come up on Feb. 4 if New England loses, right?



Shawn Curtis is a sports writer for The Tribune-Democrat. If there’s a storyline that he missed, feel free to submit it to the preceding e-mail address.

        

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