Published: May 08, 2008 01:11 pm            

Thank you for being so tenderly tough

JOHNSTOWN, Pa. — She waddled when she walked and looked as if she was going to pop at any minute.

We didn’t know what to expect. This was a first for us. All I knew was that one of us was in for some real pain, and very shortly. And it wasn’t going to be me.

My wife and I didn’t do the Lamaze class to prepare for the child-bearing experience. Cindy gave me the book to read. Sheepishly, I admit, I just looked at the pictures.

Someone once said that the only thing Lamaze omits in its teaching is how to push, breathe and CUSS all at the same time.

For a young couple, our knowledge of the child-bearing experience was like that of college professors: They can talk all day about the concept of running a business, but in reality, few, if any, have ever really had any experience of actually running a business.

There is nothing quite like good old-fashioned experience to open one’s eyes to the realities of life.

It was my privilege to be there for all four of my children’s births.

My job was to shovel ice and offer encouraging words such as, “You’re doing fine, Honey. Try to focus on your breathing.”

What else could I do?

I wonder whether men facing, say, a vasectomy, would accept so easily – as women do during delivery – comforting words from their spouse. You know, words such as “Focus, Honey. Breathe. No, no, you don’t need a pain killer. Breathe through it.”

Or, “Don’t worry, everything will be all right; you’re doing fine. Swelling? Sure it will go down, and you can be back to work in a day and a half, tops. Yes, your body will bounce back from this; you’ll see!”

My wife never uttered a cuss word during any of our children’s births. However, I did get a look every now and then that instantly told me to shut up and stop saying that she was doing fine, or to focus or to breathe.

For the record, I want to state that women are the toughest humans on the planet – bar none.

I believe the meanest, toughest heavyweight boxing champion in the world would wither, whimper and die if he had to go through half of what women do during delivery.

I have to say that my knees were weak before, during and after the experience.

Despite severe labor back pain with our first, Cindy delivered without any painkillers.

After what I saw, I would have insisted on a 55-gallon drum of liquid Demerol delivered directly into my carotid artery via a 3.5-horsepower Black & Decker pump.

Mothers, how do you do it? Where did you learn to be so tough and courageous?

You deserve our reverence and respect for this act of unselfishness. And yet, ask any mother and she will humbly say of the delivery experience: It was no big deal.

During one pushing phase, I found myself straining along with Cindy. She looked at me, asking calmly, “Honey, why are you straining? Stop pushing or you might hurt something.”

I let out a long and embarrassing breath.

Someone once said that if men and women had to alternate having babies, with the women going first, there would be only three children born to any family.

I asked Cindy recently which of these quotes best captures the birthing experience:

“Having a baby is like taking your lower lip and pulling it over your head.” – Carol Burnett

“Have you ever tried getting out of your car through the exhaust pipe?” – Murphy Brown

She laughed at both.

When asked whether she remembers the pain associated with delivery, she said no, explaining that other than being sore afterward, the pain left as quickly as it came.

Then added: “Holding my new baby in my arms was the balm on the pain of delivery.”

After witnessing this wonderous experience, I knew then and there (and I know this sounds corny) that I would love her with all my heart for the rest of her life.

I witnessed a bold, brave step for my young sweetheart. I saw firsthand the amazing transformation from womanhood to motherhood. I saw a mother’s commitment to life. I saw true love. I witnessed unselfish sacrifice of body and soul.

Is it any wonder that mothers have a special bond with their children? A bond men will never quite fully understand.

It is said that the Lord counts the tears of a mother, and I believe it.

Thank you for being so tenderly tough.

Thank you for being so unselfish.

Thank you for loving us just because.

Without you and your commitment to life ... well, you know the answer to that.

Happy Mother’s Day!



Robin L. Quillon writes for The Tribune-Democrat in Johnstown, Pa. He can be reached at rquillon@tribdem.com.

        

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